You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
