I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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