I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
