Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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