Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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