im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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