she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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