I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The uberlube is also flammable
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
