I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
