No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
