Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
