you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
is it fun? or sober?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
