I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The air taste purple.
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