I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
