I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
