dude i'm inner monologue high
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
