If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
