____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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