i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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