I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
