dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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