Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's get the cat blown out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
