apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
