Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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