I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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