hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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