we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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