i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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