He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
