Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize