i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
