i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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