hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
