Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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