I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
