i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
