I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
