he wants to bone in the snuggie
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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