I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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