I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
