ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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