I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
