im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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