i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
