I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need water and some morals
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
