Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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