somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
