Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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