My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
