He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
birth control should be required to get into college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
