the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
