saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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