You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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