i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
