i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
