put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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