Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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