I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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