I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We left the knife in your bed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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