...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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