Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have post one night stand depression
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
