If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
