you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
