Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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