Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
