did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
