the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
