and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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