Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
