I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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