textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
