I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
